Your Phone
Addiction
Is Showing.

Ahem analyzes exactly which apps you check, and roasts you for it.

πŸ“± TIKTOK (3h 45m)+πŸ¦‰ DUOLINGO (4m)

"Almost 4 hours of TikTok brain rot but only 4 minutes learning Spanish. 'El bΓΊho' is disappointed, but your algorithm is thriving."

πŸ” UBER EATS (35m)+πŸ’ͺ MYFITNESSPAL (2m)

"35 minutes deciding which overpriced burger to order, and 2 minutes pretending you're going to log the calories. We both know you won't."

πŸ“Έ INSTAGRAM (2h 15m)+πŸ“š KINDLE (8m)

"2 hours looking at people 'living their best lives' and 8 minutes on that self-help book you swore would change yours."

🏠 ZILLOW (1h 15m)+πŸ’Έ MINT (3m)

"Over an hour browsing million-dollar mansions you can't afford, followed by a 3-minute panic attack checking your actual budget."

Get the App ↓

The
Features.

  • 01
    Choose Your Persona
    Examples: Gen Z Bully, The Labeler, Passive Aggressive, and more to come.
  • 02
    App-Specific Roasts
    Instagram at 3am. TikTok 4hrs.
  • 03
    Usage Patterns
    Doom scroll detection. Morning habits.
App screenshot 1
App screenshot 2
App screenshot 3